Within These Limits

I have spent my life believing that humans could be pretty much limitless if they tried.  This belief is being challenged to the core on a daily basis.  I had been someone who accumulated degrees while working full time.  I parented, volunteered, made art and gardened. Others described me as burning the candle on both ends.  I thrived on activity and multitasking.

Two years ago, I abruptly developed severe symptoms of Myasthenia Gravis (grave muscle disease).  It became extremely hard to breathe and speak.  I know now that I had been experiencing lessor symptoms for a few years prior to this.

Grieving the losses of this disease is hard.  I remember saying to my husband, “I’m not smart anymore” ( 1+1 just didn’t =2).  I also developed double/triple vision.

I scooted to the back corner of my Zumba class because I could not keep up anymore.  I had been one of those rare creatures who loved exercise.  One day I gardened for about fifteen minutes. I was so exhausted that I just cried because I could not continue.

Art making, as I knew it, has stopped.  My hands no longer move and hold things in the same ways.

Within the horrible limits of this disease, I am managing to continue living a creative life.  Each day, I pick one thing that I will do and on most days I am able to do it. Today’s  one thing is to write this.  I am learning how to cope with the losses listed above.  A friend said to me, “You sure know how to make lemonade.” She is so wrong.  This is not lemonade.  It is lemons.  I am thriving in the lemons.

Future writings will touch upon finding alternatives to the ways I have done some things. It has been hard to make changes, but when I am willing to try to do things differently or partially, I find I may not have to let it go completely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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